Slide Mountain Oasis

🏖️ Backyard mini-resort. No resort fees. Room for 2 or 50. 🎉 Family hangout or 50-person bash — both work here. Big groups can get as low as $6 per person, per hour (before the man adds his cut… AKA Swimply). Go price a party venue, then come back. Don’t worry, we’ll still be here. 😝 Birthdays, graduations, reunions, team parties, a quiet afternoon with the kids, or an excuse to avoid your Sunday afternoon yard work. Parking for 15 cars. Zero side-eye either way. 🌊 A fast, twisty slide wrapped in natural rock — nothing says "summer legend" like launching in with style. 🪨 Jumping rocks for the big kids, a starter rock for future Olympic cannonballers. 💧 9-foot deep end for big jumps or dramatically floating away from your responsibilities. 🛀 Cozy spa for soaking, warming up, or pretending you're in a luxury commercial. 🌞 Loungers + tanning ledge — sizzle in the sun or lounge like royalty. 🧺 12 OEKO-TEX towels, laundered and waiting. Bring yours or don't. 🌳 Wrapped in trees, so your photos say "private oasis," not "my neighbor Larry's fence." 🦟 Yard treated for mosquitoes. Sunset is actually enjoyable here. 🗑️ Full-size trash can, bagged and ready. All of it included. No nickel-and-diming. 🧳 FORGOT SOMETHING? WE GOT YOU. Free, just ask if we got it: lighter, first aid, phone chargers, extension cord, bluetooth speaker, paper plates & cups, etc... 🔥 Optional add-ons: hot tub, fire pit (firewood included), fresh-squeezed lemonade from our in-house kidpreneur, and homemade cookies made with Belgian chocolate. 🚽 REAL INDOOR BATHROOM — climate-controlled, stocked with Costco's finest. 🧼 Towel off first, be completely dry. 👣 Knock on the backdoor, we'll secure the dogs. 🚫 No floaties, goggles, or wet towels inside. Treat it like grandma's house, if grandma bought TP in bulk. ⚠️ WARNING: this next part may ruin public pools for you forever. "If it smells like chlorine… that's not chlorine." That big whiff at most pools? Chloramines — chlorine reac…

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